What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 21.06.2025 01:34
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
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As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
My family never makes their pension either.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
What is it that gives a man who is a submissive cock sucker his most pleasure?
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
What do bad boys know that nice guys don't?
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Are there any guys, crossdressers, or transgender girls here who wear tampons?
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
One cannot live in the past .
I was scared of men, in general
What's your favorite stupid joke?
We were not on the streets..
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Was to survive, this bastard.
If women aren't shallow, why do most tall, good-looking men have girlfriends?
Comes on , in middle age.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Why should the law care about what I do behind closed doors?
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
She was in good health!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
What is the best reply if your boyfriend asks you,"why do you love me?"
Im dying but, im not bitter.
She married twice! .
I couldn’t, believe it.
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Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
What is the most heartbreaking thing your child has told you?
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Would this be the day?
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
How can I get a girlfriend? I am 26.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
This is soul school!.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
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Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
It was going to be , some day.
We all went to grammer schools
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My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Especially a lifetime of it.
Who then, do I blame.?
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I was very sick at this time too.
So whats the point in blame.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
But it wasn’t much.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I was 9 years of age.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
He resisted the act ,that day.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
She wouldn,t have been !
Ive learnt so much.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I could never make a relationship work though!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I write beautiful poetry .
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
But, we were locked up after school.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I know ,a lot about trauma.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
As i do to all so called friends.?
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
She loved him until the end.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
She found it foreign!.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I waited trembling.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
My life is so biszare .
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Why did i forgive my father ?
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I said to her
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
All the time i was locked up.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
So, i spoilt her more .
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
And i lived it daily.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I don,t even have a pension.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
And who doesn’t know suffering?
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I think the readers, may guess!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
What did i know ?
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Im still living with it.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I have no regrets .
Put me off passion for life!!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I was seconnd youngest,
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
He knew the spot.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
(And it was in our own minds.)
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I will be 64.
I never cut or harmed myself..
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
When she asked me how she looked .
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
But ive been too sick for many years..
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..